Surviving the First Year of Marriage

How to build a foundation that will last.

First Year of Marriage

It is common knowledge that the first year of marriage is usually the hardest.  Many couples think that they can bypass this situation by living together before marriage.  While this may help you when it comes to getting to know your partner’s daily habits, there will still be some sticky situations after you’ve said “I do”. Whether you’ve lived together for years, or this is your first time under the same roof, here are some sticky situations that newlyweds often find themselves in – and tips for getting out of them.

Redefining your daily life.

Whether you lived together before marriage or not, there is still a certain rosy glow that is bound to wear off of your relationship eventually.  The last several months, and maybe even years, before you got married were probably consumed with wedding planning.  Now that you’re back in the real world, it can be a disappointing shock to realize that daily life isn’t the fairy tale you thought it would be.  If you find that you and your spouse are getting into regular fights over small issues, there are a few steps you can take to try and solve these problems as early as possible.

• Define your roles. It may be that you both figured the other person would be responsible for dishes, laundry, or making the bed, but neither one of you said it out loud. Be up front and honest about your expectations so that your spouse knows what you want from them, and can work toward making you happy.

• Take time apart. Now that you’re spending every day of your life together, it’s going to be important to let go of the “let’s spend time together” feeling.  You will both want some time alone. Don’t be offended if your partner wants to go in the bedroom and have some quiet time alone, and don’t take it personally.

Managing Money Issues.

One of the biggest sources of conflict for a married couple is money.  While you can’t do much to avoid this problem, there are some easy ways to deal with it.

• Be honest about debt. It is important to be 100% up front about any debt that you carry.  After all, you’ll now be sharing the financial burden.  Set up a plan to deal with your debt as soon as possible, so that it won’t come back to haunt you when you want to buy a house or car.

• Discuss your plans. It’s easy to get into fights about money when the bank is suddenly empty and you both blame each other.  The best way to deal with these types of conflicts is to plan ahead. Decide whether one or both of you will be responsible for managing your money.  Define how much you can spend on a weekly and monthly basis and decide where it will go.

Dealing with friends and family.

After you tie the knot, your social life is going to take a turn.  You have a whole new family of in-laws to deal with for one thing.  With all of the newness of married life, it can also be easy for your friends to get swept under the rug.

• Decide how to handle the in-laws. Dealing with in-laws is something that you and your spouse can easily tackle together.  Decide as a couple how often you want to see them and how much input your want them to have in your life. Agree not to discuss your personal matters with them, no matter how tempting it may be.  Though your mom will probably be very sympathetic and infallibly on your side when you fight with your partner, she’s not the best person to turn to because she might remember the disagreement long after you’ve forgive and forgotten.

• Make time for friends. As a married couple, it’s tempting to gravitate toward your married friends and going out as a couple.  While this is great, don’t forget your single friends, too.  Make time to go out alone and have girls’ and guys’ nights.  Neglecting your friends for too long can have a devastating effect on the relationship and leave you lonely when you find you really need them down the road.